the end

4/12/2011 at 1am sharp

popo, tonight is the last night i could see your face..
tonight is the last night i could accompany you...
you know.. i dint want to go back home because i dint want to waste this last chance...
you and i... you had seen me growing up day by day.. since i was born...
its all because of you.. no you no me. thanks grandma...
i suddenly feel sorry.. i'm sorry for not treating you good when you are here.. when you really need somebody to take care of you.. need someone to talk to.. i'm sorry for too late to know... to late to regret.. when grandpa passed away..when the day he left this world... he left you..
you are hurt... i know you do.. but you just cant do anything.. even though you wish you could at least help a little.. but no one is willing to let you.. not because of we dont trust you grandma.. its because we dint want you to be worried of him.. looking after him when he was sick considered as a commitment... popo... i'm sorry...please forgive me... for not understanding you when grandpa left you so sudden... popo...let go le... finally you can meet grandpa at somewhere else... grandpa, please take care of popo... she does not know about the new place.. popo cant walk fast... please lead her the way... popo...no matter where you are, i hope that you could hear me... i really miss you... we really miss you... but we would want you to reborn... to be a better person next life... have a bright future ahead...

i've never known a love like yours
nor thought it could be true
but everytime i kiss your lips
i feel what love can do
with hair like silk
and lips so tender
each moment with you
makes my heart surrender
i couldn't live , i couldn't breathe
without you by my side
never will i let you go , my love will never hide
and in my heart you will always be
from now until forever
no matter what , no matter where
we will always be together..

Never regret anything because at some point i wanted it.

why the fuck you still keep telling me lie?
i did ask you before i accept you..
you lied me once.. and now i finally found out that you are lying to me all the way since the first day you meet me . you never stopped cheating on me and i don't know why you have to do that. you told me the problem between carmen and anjeal , you told me that having two girl friends are not fun but suffer . i trusted you. i trusted every word you said even though you'd lied to me numerous times. Do you think its possible to forgive someone who has lied to you and betrayed your trust?i could forgive once, maybe twice, but it's not going to ever change..
Please don't blame yourself for any of the stupid shit that I choose to do. None of this is your fault. I'm the one who makes these bad decisions so I'm the one who pays the consequences.I never regretted telling you I liked you, I only regretted never hearing what you really thought of me and never doubt on your words.

its been so long since i last updated my blog. and guess what? i have been going through a lot. my life is absolutely different from last time. lately, i have been confused about everything.. i keep asking myself am i doing the right thing? why am i still doing this..? i spent 3 years to forget someone and i finally did it. but now seems like i am repeating the history again... i have been to penang on last Friday and i don't know why..i don't find any point going over there and i cant feel any happiness as well. a year ago , i was so crazy over it. i spent almost every precious holidays in penang and i thought that's worth. but now , i regret for everything i have done.. you never found out how much i tried and cried. all of the sadness you kept me blind. i was so silly.. i keep thinking that times will never change and things will always be the same. deep in my heart I'm concealing things that i am longing to say. every time we meet, we look at each other and just wondering what the other is thinking but we never say a thing. i wonder, have you ever doubt on me? i don't know and i will never know the answer..because we will never talk to each other for more than three sentences in a day. even when we are doing things together , we don't talk much. and i want you to know why dint i talk much , is because i scared to confess what I'm feeling will frightened you. i just don't know where and how to start a conversation with you anymore...i have no idea why cant we just be friend like the olden days when we just knew each other? i wonder why you changed so much..you are now a stranger to me. i know i must be strong and carry on, because i know i don't belong. my sis,leng always be by my side and accompany me to go wherever i wanted to. she never ask me to stop loving you because she knows that I'm crazy in love with you and i will not let go so easily. but i actually knew that we both will never be together so i keep building the walls round my heart , but then i see you and it falls apart.. there is a part of me wont let you go keep saying yes when my minds saying no.. boy the way you do me is a damn crime and i want you to regret what you have done to me all these years. i wish you would know i no longer in love with you. i deserve a better one..at least , someone would care and love.

i finally cried

Today , i cried in school when i know that my name is on the blacklist , and the reason is something really unexpected. it is so embracing and it had ruined my image. but i didn't do anything wrong. i've got no idea with this. i cant stop my mind keep thinking about it. my friends told me to share this with my parents and ask them to solve this problem with the teacher as soon as possible before the trial. because it might ruin my certificate which ruined my life too. but i've got no guts to mention this to my parents , i'm worried. i guess they are no longer believe in me since they had already knew my attitude and characterise when i'm with friends in school. so.. i decided not to tell them anything about this incident . in fact, thing is already happened , i should settle it down by myself instead. so , i think i'm heading to the office tomorrow. i hope it was just a mistake and everything is fine.

fuck off

you fucking pissed me off
don't feel like forgiving you ,
i feel like GIVING UP on you la.

its not the first time we argue for a fucking matter.
i hate the way you jealous .
i phone him because you do not know the way to odori.
i was asking him to lead us to the place.
hey please , make things clear before you show me your fucking emotion and attitude.
I'm not going out with him , it was just a call. a simple conversation .
cant you be open-minded?
i would not choose to be in a relationship if i know it earlier.
boy , you know what. i dislike to be controlled .
no matter who , not even my parents.
i dont need to ask whoever's permission for going out with boys.
when I'm telling you that I'm going out .
i just want to inform you that where am i going with .
I'M NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION.
if you are not in the mood , i will try my best to cheer you .
but if you're not in the mood during weekdays . sorry then.
i cant accompany you late.
I'm not an adult yet. I'm a teenager .
if you're not happy with it , go to seek for another who you think she could be there for you no matter when.
everyone has their own life style.. & I'm now having my own-unique-teenager life style.
maybe Sylvia suits you.
she can accompany you no matter when.
unlike me, i still need to go to school , sit for exam.
and i want to make my dream come true.
i want to go to oversea for further education
i dont want to stay like this. i want to change my life .
nah , whatever. go ahead to do whatever you want .
as long as you're not disturbing me.
fuck off