its been so long since i last updated my blog. and guess what? i have been going through a lot. my life is absolutely different from last time. lately, i have been confused about everything.. i keep asking myself am i doing the right thing? why am i still doing this..? i spent 3 years to forget someone and i finally did it. but now seems like i am repeating the history again... i have been to penang on last Friday and i don't know why..i don't find any point going over there and i cant feel any happiness as well. a year ago , i was so crazy over it. i spent almost every precious holidays in penang and i thought that's worth. but now , i regret for everything i have done.. you never found out how much i tried and cried. all of the sadness you kept me blind. i was so silly.. i keep thinking that times will never change and things will always be the same. deep in my heart I'm concealing things that i am longing to say. every time we meet, we look at each other and just wondering what the other is thinking but we never say a thing. i wonder, have you ever doubt on me? i don't know and i will never know the answer..because we will never talk to each other for more than three sentences in a day. even when we are doing things together , we don't talk much. and i want you to know why dint i talk much , is because i scared to confess what I'm feeling will frightened you. i just don't know where and how to start a conversation with you anymore...i have no idea why cant we just be friend like the olden days when we just knew each other? i wonder why you changed so much..you are now a stranger to me. i know i must be strong and carry on, because i know i don't belong. my sis,leng always be by my side and accompany me to go wherever i wanted to. she never ask me to stop loving you because she knows that I'm crazy in love with you and i will not let go so easily. but i actually knew that we both will never be together so i keep building the walls round my heart , but then i see you and it falls apart.. there is a part of me wont let you go keep saying yes when my minds saying no.. boy the way you do me is a damn crime and i want you to regret what you have done to me all these years. i wish you would know i no longer in love with you. i deserve a better one..at least , someone would care and love.